Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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