Just mADE A PArabola og urine
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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