I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
