Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
