i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
