I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
