The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
