Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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