It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
