Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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