Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
