I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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