dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
