I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
