I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
It's shark week go big or go home
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
