her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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