did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
