last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
