dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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