Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
