Pants 0. Shit 1.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
