this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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