Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
