I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
