normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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