just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
