hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
