Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
