i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
