so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
