I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize