Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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