i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
