you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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