Sober January is a disaster.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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