he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
