when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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