It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
