actually, I'm a sock model
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
