so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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