She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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