WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
