you will always have a special place in my vag
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
