there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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