covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
