real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
My hand turned me down
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
