it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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