two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
