The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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