There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
