and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
