apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
