He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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