I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
