I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
