i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
