Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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