NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
