idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
