i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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