Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Can I color on your dick again?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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