He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
