I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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