I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
