If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
