So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize