If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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