Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Define "chronic" masturbator.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
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