That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
