I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
