Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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