just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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